Today is Mother’s Day. My son, who’s almost 13 now, bought me a JCP gift card with his own money and talked me into buying flowers for myself (from him). He’s 5’2″ these days and I remember holding him in my arms when he was first born, wondering how he ever fit inside me.
When he was a toddler, I shed many, many, many tears worried that my baby would never be able to have a meaningful conversation with me, let alone ever know what it feels like to get an A. He wasn’t putting words together like other kids his age and spent all his free time running in circles or banging into the wall. Thinking about his bleak future took me to a place so sad that I learned you can’t actually die from grief, but it sure feels like you can for a bit.
We went for a 20 mile bike ride together with my husband and his parents today. It was a perfect day: breezy but not too windy, around 70 degrees, sunny. We rode past freshly planted soybeans, through the woods, along a creek. Due to our group trip, I was going slower than my normal training pace. I just felt the breeze and reflected on what motherhood means to me.
My son is growing up fast. It’s so easy to get caught up in: wash your hands, brush your teeth, remember to flush, eat your breakfast, get dressed, let’s go, repeat… that I forget to soak in who he is. It’s easy to get so worried about what everyone else thinks, I forget to notice what my son thinks. Heck, a lot of times, I don’t even know what I think, I’m just trying to get through the next obligation.
Today, I had dear friends text me well wishes for Mother’s Day. A couple of them almost made me cry tears of joy. My son is going to be okay. I don’t know exactly what he’s going to be or what his answers are going to look like but I have faith he’ll get it all figured out in his time. I’m blessed to be a part of it. I’m grateful for those early days of struggle, they made me stronger.
I’m looking forward to watching it all unfold and aim to keep my eyes open through it all.
I hope you had a splendid Mother’s Day!