The thing about insanity is it’s insane. You can’t make sense of it. I’ve finally stopped trying to.
My son played trombone in the school’s spring concert tonight. On a whim, I emailed the information about the event to my mom last week, figuring she’d ignore it but felt it was the right thing for me to do. To my surprise, my parents came. They didn’t really look me in the eye or exchange more than a few words with me but they were there. They did the best they could. They are victims of a completely insane belief system that they are in so deep, they can no longer clearly see which way is up.
As much as I wish my parents could be actively in my life, I realize that I am better off if they are not due to their current state. I have to spend some serious energy psyching myself up, reminding myself they don’t have power over me, whenever there’s a chance I’ll interact with them. They love me, I know they do. I love them, I know I do. My life rocks their world, shakes their belief system to the core, because I’m BETTER OFF out than in. That’s uncomfortable for them and as my husband says “denial takes a lot of work”.
When you don’t want to see something, you have to push away people and stay away from situations that make you aware. I can’t make them see. I can’t make them free. All I can do is live my life the best way I can and be loving no matter what.
Authentic love is the most powerful force in the world. At times, it can make even extremely crazy people regular humans.
For those of you that heard my pleas for comfort via cyberspace tonight and responded with your loving support, thank you from the bottom of my heart!