It’s much easier to see a symptom of a problem then to identify the actual root cause.
When my husband and I got together, we both sat around, a lot. About 3 years into our marriage, he supported me in getting a personal trainer, losing weight and getting in shape. The symptom that popped up was I was working out regularly, he wasn’t, and we weren’t taking time to do anything else together. In my mind, I thought the solution would be to get him to workout. When he didn’t want to, it hurt my feelings.
I love my husband. Very much. More than words. We fit together well and, honestly, he’s much more cuddly than boys with buff bods. Although it might be nice if we had the same workout routines, it’s also wonderful to have a cheerleader, a captain, an admirer, who loves me no matter what. There’s no pressure on me to continue or any competition between us. Fitness is my hobby and he supports me in that.
It took a little bit of counseling and soul searching to realize what I really wanted was time with him. I wanted him to invite me to do things that didn’t involve the couch. It didn’t have to be what I was already doing (going to the gym) but I wanted it to be something. A few walks and easy paced bike rides flip the bill. As does a few nights out listening to live music with friends.
I am grateful that instead of letting something eat away at me and resentments building indefinitely, we were able to work through this together. I am glad that I didn’t just pretend I could let it go because it wasn’t going away. I didn’t attack him but I let my feelings be known. I’m glad that my husband works on himself as hard as I work on me.
From my heart to yours,
Thanks for listening