Ask For The Relationship You Want, Don’t Settle For Less

I’ve had my dose of miserable relationships.  I still look at my husband sometimes and think “I don’t deserve you, you are too good for the likes of me”.  The following is my opinion of how to have a satisfying long-term relationship based on my personal experience, for what it’s worth…
There comes a day that each person needs to ultimately decide:
  1. Do I want to be together because I haven’t met anyone else better or do I want to be together because I want to have a committed partnership with him/her?
  2. Is our relationship based on fear or love?
At some point the conversation needs to change from “if” this works out (or this can’t work because…) to “how” is this going to work out.  When there’s a will, there’s a way but it’s not always easy or worth it.  Unfortunately, sometimes people start a relationship saying “yes, I’m looking for long-term” when they really mean, I want the “idea” of long term but am not willing to do the work necessary within my self for that to be possible.

Commitment isn’t as easy as “get married” or “live in the same house” or “I’ll never leave you”.  It’s deeper than that.  It’s committing to working on yourself and communicating how you feel to the other person.  Commitment is a work in progress, little decisions made every single day.  Compromise when you can but don’t sacrifice who you are.  True, meaningful, love doesn’t ask you to sacrifice who you are, it builds up and encourages you to take risks because you feel safe.  Yet, it’s not always comfortable.  Sometimes, you don’t like what you see in the mirror of the other person.

If one or both of you isn’t ready to commit, there are conversations to be had about why.  If it’s “you”, then deal with your junk.  If it’s the other person, then explain that without attacking.  Do what you need to do to get clarity on which is which (It’s easy to take on other people’s junk, be aware of that tendency and avoid doing so. It will happen but you can stop it once you realize it.)

Think about and discuss together:
  • What are the deal breakers?
  • What are the qualities that each are looking for in a partner that are “must haves”?
  • What things do you not like in the other person you’d like to see change?
  • If they don’t change, are any of those things “deal breakers”?

True love is possible but people stuck in dead end relationships because they don’t want to deal with answers to the tough questions are too distracted to find it.  A lot of people aren’t ready… That’s OK!  If you are ready and he/she isn’t, find someone who’s ready too.  Believe it’s possible for you and ask for it.  You’ll find it!  You will!

In the meantime, have your life.  Take the gift of being single and do exactly what you want when you want with who you want!  Own it.  You’re worth it!

From my heart to yours
Thanks for reading

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