Agree to Disagree

I’ve heard the phrase “agree to disagree” for as long as I can remember.  Until fairly recently, I viewed that phrase as one used by the “loser” of any argument to console himself/herself for having inferior debating skills.  That was the white flag of an argument when the weaker one was unable to win and wanted out of the conversation.

I see it differently now…

Each person is unique in that each of us has our own experiences, feelings and opinions that shape how we perceive the world around us.  At the same time, all of our blood turns red when it hits air and is blue when without oxygen.  We are concurrently the same and nothing like all our fellow humans.

It is impossible for more than one person to see the world exactly the same all of the time unless someone is not being honest with himself/herself.  Disagreements are not the end of a relationship or the sign of a weak one.  They are just different interpretations of the same subject.

My husband and I struggle to “fight” because each of us does not want to upset the other.  It’s nice for a while but, eventually, we’re not being honest.  Without honesty, trust and true love wither to death.  We are practicing this concept of “agree to disagree” by not seeing  one way as “right” and the other as “wrong”.  With this understanding, we’re able to connect and accept each other more fully without sacrificing our self worth or suppressing our feelings.

Instead of one way being “right” and the other “wrong”, we talk about what we each need.  We ask for what we want the other person to do or not do.  The other person has the right to agree or disagree to terms.  “I felt xyz” does not mean he did something wrong.  Just because “concept a” is inaccurate, doesn’t mean that “concept b” is true.  I accept he sees things differently without telling myself there’s something wrong with either of us.

We each have “deal breakers”, it’s not like anything goes.  We didn’t get married until we determined our “deal breakers” were compatible.

It’s wonderful!  Not easy, but wonderful…

From my heart to yours,

Thanks for reading

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