Choosing The Life I Want To Live

The world is full of “should” and “can’t” when most of the time you “could” and “can”.  No matter what happens, there’s something to learn from and be grateful for.

I see a lot of injury and illness that could be prevented of people listened to their bodies and took care of themselves.  My wish for my training is not to hurt at all.  Do all the right things and nothing bad happens, right?  If I hurt, I did something wrong and it’s my own fault for trying, right?  Wrong.  Sometimes I have to go past my limit to know where my limit is.  An injury isn’t the end of the world, it’s something to learn from, take note of, and part of growth.

One of my major weaknesses is my poor ability to smile when I’m unhappy or make someone feel like I like them when I would be very pleased to see them disappear.  I don’t usually shy away from conflict mostly because pretending issues don’t exist is unbearable.  Not moving, not making progress, feels like I’m dying.  I either take action to fix what I see is broken or reframe it so I no longer see it something that can/should be “fixed”.  In other words, I have major control issues.

At this moment, I am unhappy to be sitting on the floor of the airport charging my laptop because my flight has been delayed over 3 hours.  I was flown hundreds of miles away from home to get home because the Des Moines airport is so small.  The delay is giving me a chance to write and I was able to see a beautiful sunset.  However, I would rather be landing and on my way to my husband’s arms right now.  These are the moments that challenge my idealistic “keep on the sunny side” way of life I try to live.  I am practicing experiencing multiple emotions at the same time.  I am equally irritated that I’m in this predicament and grateful for the opportunites it’s opened up to me.

I’m practicing believing that everything is where it’s supposed to be at this moment.  I don’t have to like it and there’s joy in giving myself permission to feel whatever I feel.  Whether I perceive it as pleasant it or not, what is IS and peace is found in accepting that.

My ultimate goal is a peaceful heart and a balanced life.  I’m making progress….

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