Improving My Relationship With Food

In talking with other people about how they feel when they eat, I understand that the “I’m full” trigger hits me much later than my thinner friends.  I dislike feeling at all hungry the same way my friends who battle anorexia and bulimia dislike feeling full.

I don’t like feeling restricted.  I rebel when that’s my perception.  Food is my #1 “go to” default when I’m stressed or feeling discomfort.  When I’m tired and stressed, my willpower to stay “on track” wanes.  Looking back at former posts, this feeling tends to hit me in about the 3rd week of the month.  Coincidence?  Perhaps….

As much as I would like to deny it, I am always going to have the ability and temptation to overeat.  I don’t have to shame myself for indulging sometimes.  I am not perfect and that is OK.  At the same time, I need to maintain humility in that certain indulgences can turn into a downward spiral of more and more high calorie/low nutrient choices.

As hard as losing weight is, maintaining is harder.  Not at first, but after a few years, it’s easy to think that you’re “safe”, the weight isn’t coming back, and then it does.  When I started training for this upcoming marathon, I thought it would help me lose weight.  I’ve found running to instead increase my appetite and make it harder to not eat a significant surplus on days I’m not running.  Then I get off schedule a little, don’t get in as many miles and ….  do the math.

I find myself having thoughts like “see, this won’t last” and “your mother was right”.  (When I sent her a picture of me at my goal weight she said I needed to gain 10lbs and losing too much weight won’t stay off)  I can’t get my mother out of my head, I can only tell her I disagree and her opinion does not have to have a baring on my life (in my head).  We rarely talk any more due to our radically different religious beliefs but she’s with me… most days.

I was given this formula:

emotional health = feel emotions + control thoughts + choose behavior

I’m working on it….


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