Growing up, I was taught to be “separate from the world”. Instructed that God wanted me to be an “outsider” to the “worldly” people around me. I got out of that belief system but found it difficult to connect with others. No matter how hard I tried, or how badly I wanted it, I didn’t feel like I could be part of the groups of people I perceived around me. For a while, I tried to remedy this by being “like them”. That didn’t work because that required me to ignore who I really was, lose touch with how I really felt, and “they” still didn’t like me.
I’ve been getting better and better about being myself and it’s working out! Some people still do not like me. I don’t click with everyone. That fact still hurts sometimes but I try to see it for what it is, not meant to be, and move on.
However, there are people I do click with. They come into my life, somehow at just the right time, without me trying to make anything happen. For this, I am extremely grateful. The only thing I’m really doing differently now than in the past is being true to myself and having faith what I need will appear when I need it. Lo and behold, it works out again and again! Hooray!
I have always wanted a group of people to exercise with. It seems that I’m always “in the middle”. There are people more fit, faster, leaner, that I can’t quite keep up with and those folks that are less fit who can’t quite keep up with me. When that happens, I feel like the outsider again.
I sense that tide changing this year. As I’ve worked on accepting myself, I’ve met some really wonderful folks who are on a similar path at a similar pace. They stick to their schedule even if everyone else fails to show up. They are focused enough, they challenge me to do better but aren’t so far ahead I feel like I can never catch up. The concept of listening to my body and doing MY best is getting more natural all the time. The people I click with the most aim to practice those concepts as well.
My body is a temple. It’s the only place I have to live. I’m learning to appreciate what it can do instead of hating that fat bulge here or lack of curve there. It’s liberating! Whenever I start wishing I looked like someone else, I think about what I’m really asking for. I think about all the good things about myself I would miss out on. I realize that even the people who seem to “have it all” have burdens to bear and oftentimes, I wouldn’t want to trade my burdens for theirs.
From my heart to yours
Thanks for reading