What I need when I need it…

Growing up, I was taught to be “separate from the world”.  Instructed that God wanted me to be an “outsider” to the “worldly” people around me.  I got out of that belief system but found it difficult to connect with others.  No matter how hard I tried, or how badly I wanted it, I didn’t feel like I could be part of the groups of people I perceived around me.  For a while, I tried to remedy this by being “like them”.  That didn’t work because that required me to ignore who I really was, lose touch with how I really felt, and “they” still didn’t like me.

I’ve been getting better and better about being myself and it’s working out!  Some people still do not like me.  I don’t click with everyone.   That fact still hurts sometimes but I try to see it for what it is, not meant to be, and move on.

However, there are people I do click with.  They come into my life, somehow at just the right time, without me trying to make anything happen.  For this, I am extremely grateful.  The only thing I’m really doing differently now than in the past is being true to myself and having faith what I need will appear when I need it.   Lo and behold, it works out again and again! Hooray!

I have always wanted a group of people to exercise with.  It seems that I’m always “in the middle”.  There are people more fit, faster, leaner, that I can’t quite keep up with and those folks that are less fit who can’t quite keep up with me.  When that happens, I feel like the outsider again.

I sense that tide changing this year.  As I’ve worked on accepting myself, I’ve met some really wonderful folks who are on a similar path at a similar pace.  They stick to their schedule even if everyone else fails to show up.  They are focused enough, they challenge me to do better but aren’t so far ahead I feel like I can never catch up.  The concept of listening to my body and doing MY best is getting more natural all the time.  The people I click with the most aim to practice those concepts as well.

My body is a temple.  It’s the only place I have to live.  I’m learning to appreciate what it can do instead of hating that fat bulge here or lack of curve there.  It’s liberating!  Whenever I start wishing I looked like someone else, I think about what I’m really asking for.  I think about all the good things about myself I would miss out on.  I realize that even the people who seem to “have it all” have burdens to bear and oftentimes, I wouldn’t want to trade my burdens for theirs.


From my heart to yours

Thanks for reading




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