Relationships, whether romantic or not, ebb and flow with the tides of life. As I change, so does the way I relate to other people. I’ve been deeply troubled by the realization that some people who have been significant parts of my journey to this point are incapable of giving me the connection I desire in friendship. I was disturbed by the heartache I was experiencing and knew that was a sign of an unresolved issue but couldn’t identify it.
While enjoying lunch with a dear friend who is brave enough to share her uninhibited soul with me, I had a HUGE revelation! My heartache was not caused by anything more than the part of me that believed I deserve to be rejected. That little part of me was seeking out and holding on to people who had not earned access to the depths of my heart. Instead of keeping a healthy boundary between us, I had left the door open and allowed them to pillage there. In all my talk of acceptance and tolerance, I had missed one important element… Acceptance and tolerance require seeing the equal value of others.
Instead of embracing others with their opinions and worldviews, I had regarded my new worldview as superior to the one I left (and all others too). I had become quite intolerant of intolerance. I had replaced one “should” with another “should” (veiled under the cloak of pseudo unconditional love). Ooooops.
Because my ideals of being uninhibited and honest are so important to me, I viewed anything different as “less than”. I took it upon myself to “free” others from their “prison” of worrying about what other people think. My husband made me understand that “one person’s prison is another one’s home”.
It’s not my job to make anyone else experience my ideals if they don’t want to. Some people have simply not earned the right to access my unbound, uninhibited, unconditional love. Trying to “free” those folks from what I viewed as a prison of the heart was not helping them and was deeply hurting me. For every rejection of my light, I felt a little “less than”.
The world is a big place with plenty of stories to go around. My path need not be threatened by another’s. Right here, right now, I chose to release that little part of me that believed I had to succumb to the ideals of what other people think. I’m done trying to earn the affection of people who I don’t even really like. I wish them peace and love in their own stories but they are merely extras in mine.
From my heart to yours
Thanks for reading
SIDE NOTE: I have struggled with the above concepts until today and I thank you for being part of my journey by reading my post. The title of this entry was inspired by Shel Silverstein and his poem about the oak tree and the rosebush (which I memorized and recited in high school, around 1995). You can read it here: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/306705-an-oak-tree-and-a-rosebush-grew-young-and-green