Belong Now

While making banana pancakes and freshly ground coffee this morning, I was dancing around the kitchen while my husband was beaming with joy.  I noted that he seems like he feels he belongs now (he had been struggling to find meaning and direction in his life).  I expressed my pleasure that he’s figuring out right now is where it’s at.  If either of us look to the future to fill in all the emptiness we feel now, we’ll constantly come up short.  Wanting will be a constant state of mind and we’ll never know peace.

Conversely, embracing every moment, feeling a sense of belonging and purpose in the here is now is where peace is found.  Peace, love and happiness isn’t out there… it’s right here…inside…now.  There’s a difference between investing all my abilities and gifts to a situation and putting pressure on myself to accomplish a certain thing.  The former allows me to approach everything I do with joy.  The latter sets me up for continual suffering.

My shoulder has been hurting in an atypical place.  My shoulder isn’t weak but it has been telling me something is off.  This morning, it came to my awareness that I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself to get things done.  The past few weeks have been very full on a professional, academic and social level. I have been dreading school and that’s been making my assignments more difficult.  When I changed my self talk into “it’s ok to let it go”, my pain subsided.  Amazingly, my hips were also more open than normal today!

I have an agreement with myself to show up to my mat.  I embrace every morning with a fresh perspective knowing that today is today, not yesterday or tomorrow.  The days where I’m flighty and imbalanced, I am grateful to be able to recognize it and know it won’t last without convincing myself I’m a terrible person because of it.  The days where things effortlessly fall into place, I can be grateful for an effortless day!

I realized much of my anxiety is completely self inflicted.  A Facebook friend posted an article about how being busy is a sickness for those who have enough money to get their needs met but still live in a place of self inflicted tension.  My body is holding years and years and years of such tension.  I’m convinced not all of it is even mine, it’s other people’s stuff that was passed over to me.  I’m working on bringing it to the surface so I can release it and heal, one layer, one step, at a time.  No rush.  No pressure.  Just show up…

I have come to understand that everything works in cycles.  The natural world is in a constant state of change and despite humans best efforts to control things, they can’t change the cycles of life.  Shit happens.  It won’t last forever.  Wonderful things happen.  They won’t last forever either.  It took a lot of energy to try and force life a certain way and it never worked out quite how I wanted it to.  My future is going to be a lot more of ‘todays’ built upon each other.

What I need isn’t out there, it’s here.

From my heart to yours

Thanks for reading!

If you are interested in the “busy” article, here it is:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/scott-dannemiller/busy-is-a-sickness_b_6761264.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

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