I Am

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”  ~ William Gibson

I just got back from the “I Can Do It” Hay House conference in Denver, Colorado.  In many ways, the format was familiar to annual experiences growing up: book a hotel, get up in the morning, eat, go to conference center, sit, listen to people talk, take notes, use restroom and repeat until dinner time.  The difference is that instead of my soul feeling like I was being sucked dry and wanting desperately to escape, counting the minutes until I could rip off my uncomfortable clothes and indulge in endless desserts at that night’s all-you-can-eat buffet… I felt FILLED UP!  I nodded my head often as the speakers spoke truths I have always known but were told were lies.

I took notes and actually READ THEM AFTERWARDS.  My heart is singing.  I am alive!

The event was emotionally exhausting because we explored my deepest fears and insecurities.  However, I was there with the support of my soul sister and showed up with an open heart.  Roger Teel, author of “This Life is Joy” said, “Clarity is power”.  In the next few paragraphs, I will share some of the clarity I received this weekend.

I am not broken.  I am made of light from the source of divine love.  My body, my physical form, is just the house that energy lives in.  My body is not who I am.  My thoughts are not who I am.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with who I really am.

I have a personal self that is ego driven, ruled by the senses.  There’s nothing really ‘wrong’ with that either, but it shouldn’t be taken too seriously.  Those inputs should not be confused with the infinite divine of which I am a part.

I realized that every single unpleasant experience I remember in my life stems from believing I’m not worthy.  It comes from ego driven messages that were handed to me by those who came before me.  They don’t rule my life.  They are part of my journey and I chose this path to learn what I need to know in this life.  I am not suggesting the people who I grew up with were assholes.  I am suggesting that the heartache I experienced as a child had more to do with my environment than a defect within me.

As I listened to Davidji explain his experience teaching “tactical breathing” to Marines, Special Forces and members of law enforcement, I realized that I’ve been expecting the world to adjust to me instead of learning to adjust to the world.  When I say ‘adjust’, I don’t mean change, I mean adjust my approach to situations based on my audience while being fully grounded in who I am and what I believe.  I mean being open and accepting of others from a base of loving myself.  True strength is gentle, flexible, malleable…

Cheryl Richardson said that when she used to hear people say “you need to love yourself”, she wanted to hit something.  I honor that honestly but loving and accepting myself truly is the key to being able to fully love and accept others.  There’s no way around it.

When I’m honest with myself, I see I’ve been hateful towards others when I agreed with their diminishing approach to me.  No one else can make me feel ‘less than’.  No one else can steal my joy because my joy comes from the divine.  If I lose connection with it, all I have to do is ask for help to get the connection back.  Even in difficult circumstances, I can be joyful at heart.  Everyone can.

I want to be a spiritual person.  I want to be connected to the source of life, the creative energy that holds the infinite universe together.  I am.  I am.  Right here, right now, I am connected.

I’m connected to the part of you that knows what I’m talking about.  I need not be threatened by differing beliefs.  I need not hush the inner voice that is connected to the divine for fear it’s leading me astray.  I just need to listen from a quiet, connected, place.  All I need to know is found there.

I am safe.  I am well.  All things will come in their own time.

From my heart to yours,

Thanks for reading

More information about Hay House can be found here:

http://www.hayhouse.com

http://www.hayhouseradio.com

http://www.healyourlife.com

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