I have been thinking a lot lately about the statement, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. That statement tells me a student’s progress isn’t just about how good the teacher is. It’s not solely about the potential of the student either.
The alignment between the two determines progress. Both must be in complimentary places. Teachers come in all shapes and forms. Some of my best teachers have been the worst examples.
Within a month’s time, I have experienced elation at being exactly on the right path doing the right things with the right people. I have also experienced feelings of failure and unworthiness that made me question my abilities. That dichotomy has been a historical pattern for me thus far.
I’ve had enough intimate conversations and read enough to know I am not alone in this. However, I don’t always understand how to embrace it. I have been told one needs to embrace the shadow (negative/dark) part of one’s self in order to be healthy. I know that the more I try to suppress it, the stronger it seems to get but that doesn’t keep me from sometimes wanting it to just go away. My mode of operation, if I’m not paying attention, is to put my head down, muscle through and tell myself “I just have to get through this…”. I forget I have choices…
A wise friend and mentor reminded me yesterday that I choose my actions and I choose my thoughts about my actions. I knew that but I forgot. Yes, there are times when doing something unpleasant is necessary to reach a goal but if I lose sight of my intentions because I am only telling myself “I have to get through this…”, I bring much unnecessary unpleasantness upon myself. I lose sight of my purpose and I start to cry unhappy tears.
It is imperative for me to stay tuned in to spirit. This means I need quiet time to myself, in a big enough chunk, my mind can settle from the endless task list that sometimes rattles around my brain. This means I choose to stay tuned. I always have a choice.
It’s maddening to try to understand why things happen when knowing (if I could know) doesn’t make a bit of difference. People have feelings. Relationships ebb and flow. It doesn’t mean anyone is ‘wrong’. When I am tuned into sprit, I feel love and appreciation. I remember to love myself even in the dark times.
I am both a teacher and a student.
From my heart to yours,
Thanks for reading