My word for 2018 is “curiosity”… with the intention of approaching life with the innocence and curiosity of a child instead of trying to have the answers for everything all the time. My son is graduating high school and becoming a capable, responsible adult. I had him young enough I didn’t ever get to explore what kind of adult I wanted to be before I had to be the best one I could be for him. I no longer live my life for how it looks to other people. I have given myself permission to experiment.
I started this blog feeling like I had some things figured out and wanted to share with others what I discovered, maybe quicken the rate at which they could find their answers. I wasn’t arrogant enough to think I knew EVERYTHING but, I mean, I thought I was close… 2016 was a whirlwind and even as my own life was turned upside down, I thought I had a life philosophy that would bring peace and joy to anyone who dared live by it.
My current understanding is that sometimes circumstances just suck. There isn’t necessarily a way to think differently to get out of it. Sure, chosen attitudes can lessen the blow of life’s curveballs but they can’t bring someone back from the dead or keep someone from leaving if they want to go.
Being happy isn’t my ultimate goal anymore. My ultimate goal is living, fully present in my own life and in those who’s paths cross mine. I am learning sometimes it hurts like hell and sometimes it feels blissful but neither last forever. Life isn’t always logical. Sometimes there’s nothing to say. Answers aren’t always conceivable even if they are always there.
I’m learning how important it is for me to say “no” or “not now” to have space to hear my own voice and stay in touch with my heart’s longing. It’s easy to blame others for problems I created myself but ineffective if I ever wish to be free of them. Boring is comfortable but unsatisfying to my soul. I yearn to grow and there’s no comfort in the growth zone.
Some of my most meaningful moments in 2017 weren’t on social media (I don’t even have photos from some of them) but they mattered more than things that were. I am planning to create, write and explore beautiful places this year with my focus on experiences instead of stuff. Thank you for following my journey. We’re in this together!
From my my heart to yours,
Thanks for reading