Where Attention Goes, Energy Flows

I blamed my employment for stress and lack of time.  It turns out, I am capable of creating stress and running out of time no matter what I do for employment!  I have heard variations of the phrase ‘where attention goes, energy flows’ multiple times in multiple contexts.  I am experiencing how true that statement is first hand.

There are always two or more ways to look at any situation.  The first two are 1) the way I see it now and 2) the OPPOSITE of how I see it now.  In between, there are hundreds of more ways to see any situation if I take enough time to think about them.  My power lies in being able to choose which way I want to focus my energy on.

I am grateful for my fear because it serves to keep me safe.  It’s a warning light that says “hey, something is different here” but that is all it is.  Beyond acknowledging and being grateful for the warning, it doesn’t do me any good to think about fears.

In the major life transition I am experiencing now, I see I have the choice between thinking about how to prevent what I’m afraid of and thinking about how to create the life I want.  If I spend energy thinking about preventing catastrophe, I feel limited, smothered, anxious.  If I spend energy thinking about creating the life I want, taking steps in that direction, I feel light, energized, excited and free!  No one makes that choice for me.  I decide where my energy flows.

I am becoming much more picky about where I spend my energy these days.  I have a list of high priority items which include: peace, joy, satisfaction and purpose.  There are distractions from those things everywhere, all the time, but I don’t have to feed into them.  I can choose peace and joy at any time, no matter what is happening around me.  When I get off track, I remind myself of that fact and move on.  When I focus my efforts on being present and showing up, I am blown away by the opportunities that effortlessly fall into my lap.

My relationship with my son is improving because I am opening myself up to experience the world in his way instead of trying to make him fit into mine.  I can look at all the things he’s not, or I can cherish all the things he IS!  The latter is much more satisfying than the former.  In learning how to focus on his strengths, I am also learning to focus on mine.

I am learning how vitally important it is for me to take time to get quiet within.  It is only in the quiet moments that I can hear my inner most desires and identify what brings me joy.  The quiet moments give me clarity and remind me that all is well in my world now, in this moment.  I am safe and protected.  Life supports me!

From my heart to yours

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Mother’s Clarity

My mother used to tell me “Everything in life has advantages and disadvantages.  You have to decide the advantages you have to have and the disadvantages you can put up with”.  When I told her sometime in my very early adult life what good advice that was, she confessed the concept came from her grandmother.  As I gain life experience, those words ring more and more true for me.

I have been paralyzed trying to identify the right answer when there wasn’t one.  There are correct answers on multiple choice questions in school.  When asked a question about history, research or written guidelines, there are correct answers based on documentation.  In life, there are choices.  Just choices.  Choices have consequences and some consequences are more desirable than others but I have not found “right answers”.  I’ve just found choices.

It is not possible to know what the future will bring exactly.  The future is the sum of many little moments and decisions made now.  At any given moment, I can make a new decision if the one I made before isn’t working out.  There is SO MUCH freedom in that!

If you would have described my life now to me 10 years ago, I would have thought you were talking about someone else!  I have learned that much of what causes me anxiety is deciding the future will not work out to my liking before the future is even here.  When I feel anxious, I take an inventory of what is going on in my life right now.  I’m usually breathing, with ample food and hydration for my body.  I have not been in physical danger or under emotional attack in those moments.  The anxiety was caused by my agreeing with emotional poison others have flung in my direction and/or worrying about things outside of my control.   The anxiety lessened when I switched my energy to gratitude for being safe now and believing the answers I need will appear when I need them.

It has never helped me to tell myself to stop worrying.  In fact, it’s never helped me to tell myself to stop feeling any emotion.  It does help me to recognize what I’m feeling, feel it, and then decide if I want to keep feeling that way or if I want to make different decisions.

When making decisions, I start with what I want if I could have anything in the world.  From there, I add in the circumstances of reality and see how close I can get to what I truly want with what I have now.  It helps me clear the fog created by other people’s expectations and fear.  I make it okay for me to feel anything, think anything and be anything because I love me and I’m alright.

I decide whether what other people think about me is true.  Most of the time, what they think of me is none of my business.  Sometimes, I need to correct my course because I don’t like the consequences of my choices.  The rest of the time, what other people think of me just doesn’t matter one bit.  I know these things when I’m feeling confident but forget when I’m feeling insecure.  However, I’m getting better about recognizing my insecurity, observing it, and changing my thoughts.  I can do that any time I want!

My son taught me to be this way.  The struggles we’ve experienced together blew up the box I grew up in and opened us up to an entirely new world.  When he tries to make sense of the world in black and white, I see very clearly why that doesn’t work at all for me.

At this exact moment, I’m blogging while my son is on a high school band trip in Florida.  When I sent him a text asking who he was spending the most time with he responded, “many people that I like” and provided a list of names.  My teenage son who I worried so much about and felt inadequate raising, is finding his way in the world!  He’s building relationships and improving himself in accordance with his goals.  My heart is bursting with pride and joy!

Instead of controlling his life, I’m intending to be present in it.  He’s going to be better than okay.  He’s on his way to having a great life of his creation!  For that, I am eternally grateful and am looking forward to being available to him for as long as I live.

 

From my heart to yours

 

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Grateful for Autism

I’ve spent so much energy worrying about my son’s condition, I have missed what a blessing it is in many ways.

He gives me absolutely no attitude.  If I ask him to do something, he does it, period.  Understanding how difficult it is for him to adapt to change, he works very hard to keep himself under control.  When I say, “I need a minute,” he leaves me alone.  He cooks, he cleans, he loves animals.  What more can a mom ask for?!

I’ve had a few dreams recently where I had autism.  It was like I was experiencing life as my son does and it was extremely stressful!  Much of the time, I didn’t understand what was going on and didn’t know what was going to happen.  I started wanting to hum and flap to keep myself from throwing a tantrum.

Yesterday, after the rest of the family left, my son and I started cleaning his room.  His last guinea pig recently died and he’s come to the conclusion he does not want another pet that needs liter (horray!).  As we were going through old papers, he knew exactly what he wanted to keep and what he wanted to throw away.  Some grown ups I know have difficulty determining that.

After we cleaned his room, we went for a run.  Running is one of the few things we have in common.  I try to learn about his favorite superheros and Greek mythology characters but they aren’t really my thing.  I don’t like to play video games.  I try to support him in his sports but if he wasn’t playing them, I wouldn’t be at the games.

My son is growing into a man!  This blows my mind.  I remember holding him as a baby and wondering what kind of man he would be (At only 19 years old, I was arguably still a child myself).  So far, I see a very honest, kind, hard working, determined man who is going to be a blessing to everyone who takes the time to let him into their lives.

Time flies and if I don’t reflect on and appreciate what I have, I miss out on it completely.

John Lennon said it best with :”Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”.

I am grateful for my life!

 

From my heart to yours

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