More than a Coat

I have struggled with overspending for as long as I can remember.  I am now committed to planning a budget and sticking to it because it’s necessary to live the life I want to live.  I am learning to enjoy my life outside of things.  In the past, I have used money in exchange for love and that isn’t a fair trade.  I believe life supports me; all I have to do is show up, be present and do the next right thing.  Yesterday was a powerful reinforcement of those beliefs.

I had a coupon from Younkers for $60 off an outwear item that costs $100 or more and I needed a coat.  I had up to $55 budgeted for it.  My partner found me the PERFECT one but when it came time to check out, it rang up at $79.99 (40% off). The clerk couldn’t change the original price back to $110 so I could get a better deal with my coupon.

I froze.  Feeling a bit overwhelmed, I asked the clerk to ring up everything except the coat.  I had money for a $55 coat.  I did not have money for an $80 coat.

As I walked through the store to see if someone else could get the coat price down to one I could afford that day, more and more things were jumping out at me and my mind raced with dialog.

“Oh, what a cute tumbler, I could use it!”

“You already have all the tumblers you need, another one would take up room in the cupboard and not bring you any more joy”

“Oh yes, that’s right”

“Slippers!!!  I can use slippers!”

“You have slippers that fit and buying more will not bring you more joy.”

“Right”

“Oh, pants!!!! My son could use more work pants.  Good mothers buy their sons plenty of pants.”

“Dear one, your son is loved and cared for.  He has pants to wear to work.  They wash, they fit, and if something happened, there are 24 hour stores that sell them.  He will not go without pants.”

“My goodness, I need to get out of this place”

I refused to let myself go down the path of bargaining with myself for an extra $25.  I attempted that game many times before and always came up short.  As I shared my angst with my partner, he likened the experience to an alcoholic visiting her favorite bar.  In a former life, I would easily spend $400-$500 in a single visit buying all the items I didn’t buy this trip.  The result was a house overflowing with stuff, an empty bank account and unending stress.  I reminded myself I am changing and it’s safe to change…

We eventually arrived at another counter with an experienced looking woman who I hoped could help me.  I approached without expectation that I would get the coat or not get the coat but I REALLY WANTED the coat.  When I explained the situation, she regretfully informed me that she couldn’t adjust the original price either.  My heart sank.  It was perhaps the most perfect coat I have ever found but I was $25 short.  In my disappointed state, I asked the woman behind me if she wanted to go while I thought about my situation.

Although she could barely speak English, the woman next in line handed me a printed out coupon stamped with yesterday’s date.  It was for $25 off any item $50 or more.  I read the offer as words but the meaning didn’t sink in.  I looked up at the woman who handed it to me as if to ask “what is this for?”.  Her eyes said it was for me.  I looked back down and suddenly realized this coupon would make the coat affordable!  I looked back up on the edge of tears and said “Is this for me?” accompanied with a gesture.  She nodded.  The waterworks came as I said “thank you so much” over and over again.

Tears are flowing as I write this now… I am grateful for the kind hearted woman who was born speaking another language but connected with me anyway.  She was a quiet person; I can be loud.  Her face didn’t express her emotions outwardly like mine does but she had wise, knowing eyes.  When I made eye contact, I saw a hard working woman who knows the pain of heartbreak and has made many sacrifices in her life.  I felt like she understood me completely in that moment despite our differences.  After I paid, I turned around again and asked if I could give her a hug.  She agreed and even more tears fell down my face.

I was overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude and grief for all the times I felt misunderstood and unloved.  On top of the gratitude for the coat, I was grateful for the experience and the sensations of my feelings I was experiencing in real time.  She reinforced my faith that everything works out perfectly!

Thank you, dear, sweet woman who made it possible to buy my coat.  I will think of you whenever I wear it.  Remembering your kind act helps me be aware of opportunities to give what I have at the right time for someone else.

 

From my heart to yours,

 

Thanks for reading

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Open to Receiving

I am open to receiving love, happiness, health and prosperity, knowing I deserve them all.

In response to the left side of my body crying out for attention, I have been working on my ability to receive for the last few months.  I am amazed to learn over and over again that I already have all I want.  Simply by changing my attention to what is here, now, that I appreciate, I have found everything I was looking for somewhere else.  As plans change and things go differently than expected, they keep turning out better than I imagined.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day in America.  My husband volunteered to host our family.  He was nervous about how his turkey was going to turn out since it was the first year he took care of it from start to finish.  I had been trying to find the motivation to clean our house for a week and it hadn’t shown up.

Because of the threat of an ice storm, most of the extended family ended up staying home. We had the turkey, potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce and green been casserole in town but the family that didn’t come had all the desserts. To make our meal complete, my husband picked up a pumpkin pie from the grocery store that morning and I whipped the cream.  When the turkey got done early, my son and husband pitched in to a 45 minute speed cleaning session.  The floors were freshly dried when our visitors showed up.

We ended up having what I felt was one of the best Thanksgiving dinners ever!  Conversation was effortless and I got some great tips from my sister in law on how to make my own environmentally friendly, non toxic, inexpensive cleaning products.  I believe everyone had a wonderful time.  I’m pretty sure my nephew ate around 2lbs of turkey breast himself so the meat was a hit!

I approached the day open to receiving love, peace and joy.  I had a couple of tense moments directing the men in house on what/how to clean but they did a great job.  Everything worked out perfectly in the end.

The above affirmation was on a solar plexus meditation handout from the Shekinah Life Purpose Center.  I came across it this morning when pondering what I wanted to write about today.  In the past, I have tried to put myself in a position to give but because of my resistance to receiving, I blocked many great opportunities to exchange love.  From a place of self criticism, I judged others unfairly as I judged myself unfairly.

This year will be the least expensive but most fulfilling holiday season yet for our family.  There is no greater gift than being fully present in the moment with another person.  I see that now.

Wishing you and yours health, peace and love this Winter season.

 

From my heart to yours,

 

Thanks for reading

 

Learn more about the Shekinah Life Purpose Center here:

http://www.shekinahlifepurposecenter.com/about-anita.html