Embrace the Journey

I demonstrate my power in ways that empower others.  I release any guilt for being successful and my desires manifest in ways that are the best for all.

Part of becoming a licensed Heal Your Life Workshop Leader was participating in the 2 day intensive workshop.  My intention going into the training was to remove any blocks standing in my way of success and to open myself to receiving love. I got even more than I bargained for.

The opening affirmation came to me on the flight home while I was reading “Creative Visualization” by Shakti Gawain.  In the training, I was surrounded by people who celebrated my natural abilities and demeanor.  I was open, free and strong.  Many fellow classmates told me that I exuded love.

I realized that somewhere inside, I felt that I couldn’t be completely happy unless everyone around me was happy.  I learned there is plenty for everyone.  My being all I can be to the best of my ability doesn’t take away from what is available to anyone else.  We all have access to abundance in all things!

As fellow classmates were commenting on my confidence, I felt a little self conscious.  I worried that I was being too much, too free, too emotional, too dramatic.  As the week progressed, I was able to let love in.  I was able to be vulnerable and less afraid.  I now affirm I am loved and accepted exactly as I am.

Near the end of the training, we visited the home of Patricia Crane and Rick Nichols.  They have a beautiful labyrinth in their back yard.  I had never walked one before.  When I approached, I initially thought “that’s it?! you can just skip over the lines and go straight to the center, that’s not big” and I realized that has been my approach to life at times (skip the journey and go right to the destination).

As I began my walk, I looked down a lot and adjusted several rocks.  As time passed, I looked down less.  My arms started a kind of energetic dance.  My movements FLOWED with the music playing in the distance.  I started sensing where the path was, instead of looking, and I realized I have the same ability in everyday life.  Embrace the journey, go with the flow and sense the path.

There were several of us walking the labyrinth at the same time.  I brushed shoulders with the same people several times but after we passed each other, we went different directions.  We met for a moment of time and then separated.  We were on the same, yet different, journey.  I was reminded of my attachments to people and how the best way to love someone is to truly set him/her free.  If I were to grab on to someone walking the labyrinth, one of us would have to go backwards or halt progress.  The same is true in life.

In the center, there were stones with words on them.  I quickly grabbed the one that first caught my attention.  It said “blessings”.  I took a moment to express gratitude in my heart and headed back.  At one point, I thought “Is this ever going to end? How long does this take? I thought I would be done by now.”  I realized I feel that way in life sometimes.  The end of the journey was like the beginning but I was not the same.  I had a different energy and different perspective when I went over the same sections a second time.  The people who brushed shoulders with me in the beginning were not with me at the end.

At times, I felt like I was going to fall but I didn’t.  I regained my balance and slowed down.  That’s exactly what I need to do in life as well! I realized that if I focus only on the destination, I miss out on the fun of the journey.  Sometimes, it’s good, even necessary, to take the LONG way around.  Some of the most enjoyable part of the experience was when I was the only one on a section.  There’s no need to fear being abandoned/alone.  I am never truly alone because I always have the source of life within me.

In my heart, I do wish everyone to feel the freedom I feel inside now but everyone has to do their own work.  I am excited and honored to have the ability to accompany others on their journeys!  There is always more to learn, somewhere deeper to go, something to release.

Cheers to the journey!

From my heart to yours,

Thanks for reading

Resources/Recommend Reading:

“You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000SEHQ96/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1

“Creative Visualization” by Shakti Gawain

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001LORH1O/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1

Advertisements

Get Off the Roller Coaster

Three things in my life have caused me to feel like I was on an emotional roller coaster:
1) trying to make a relationship into something it isn’t
2) trying to control what I don’t have the power to influence
3) thinking that “bad” negates “good”, not understanding that both happen simultaneously

I am coming to a deeper understanding that there are positives and negatives to everything. My mom used to say “you have to decide what advantages you have to have and what disadvantages you can put up with”. My parents will celebrate 50 years together on September 5. I will not be at the celebration but my ex husband and my son are planning to be. My value system and my immediate family’s are not compatible to such a degree it is better if we stay out of each other’s presence as much as possible. My family used to put me on a roller coaster. They don’t anymore. I still grieve a relationship that never was and never will be but I’m coming to peace with it more and more all the time. I am grateful for my upbringing and concurrently grateful I don’t have to live under that oppression any longer.

My yoga instructor told me I did something wrong today. When I say it like that, it’s nothing. At the time, and for most of the day, it felt like something. The truth is, it was a movement that I didn’t understand and now I understand it better. When I expressed wanting to have better tools to understand what I was supposed to do, my teacher told me to work on relaxing and embrace the day for what it was. His message is one that I’ve received over and over again since I’ve started trying to achieve a better quality of existence. Patience? Ya, ya, ya, how long does that take and how do I do it right?

My current understanding of life, the universe and everything is that nothing is either all good or all bad. Believing this, keeps me on a level plane but sometimes I forget what I know. Admittedly, nothing feels quite as exciting as believing I have done something perfectly but nothing feels quite as terrible as believing I’ve done everything wrong. I consider it a fair trade off.

As I caught myself rehearsing my yoga error this morning over and over, I noted that I have never repeated something I’ve done well over and over like that. Things I do well feel good for about two seconds and then I dismiss them as chance, being lucky, being blessed for a moment. What would life be like if I instead rehearsed the positive and quickly dismissed the negative after I took a moment to reflect on if there was a lesson in it for me?

The week of my birth anniversary, I had some people give me some INCREDIBLE compliments. They said heartfelt things expressing appreciation for all that I am, all that I strive to be. I also had some people tell me hurtful things, publicly proclaiming I am a disappointment to my father and that I disregarded the sanctity of marriage by filing for divorce from my first husband. A few weeks later, the hurtful comments are still bouncing around my head and the compliments are a more distant memory. That doesn’t make much sense, does it?

A few people, who I do not aspire to be like, said a few hurtful things. That is all. Many more people I care about said loving, uplifting, wonderful things.

So, friends, I’m trying something new… I’m getting off the roller coaster again. I’m going to rehearse all the wonderful, kind things that beautiful people in my life have taken time to share with me because they are worth it! I am worth it!

From my heart to yours,

Thanks for reading

Grieving Maya

The work of Maya Angelou changed my worldview in the darkest time of my life to date.  That woman lived life.  She experienced it, she felt it, she wrote about it.  Her work transcended gender, race and social economic status.  Her words will live on for decades to come.

In the wake of her death, I’m working on my undergrad in Behavioral Science.  I’m taken back to memories of what I typically refer to as “before”.  Before I woke up.  Before I allowed myself to be me.  Before I met my soul.

These days, I have given up on the idea that I have it all together.  I wake up each day, do my best, go to sleep, and repeat.  I have learned that some questions have no answers.  I have learned that time passes, life goes on and nothing lasts forever.  I choose to not feed fear about when the next “bad” thing may happen and instead, embrace the “now”.  I sometimes genuinely feel more than one conflicting emotion at the same time and that is okay.  There are no “good” or “bad” feelings, there are just feelings.

I’ve learned that no matter how skinny, how fast, how smart or how attractive one may be, it’s never enough to feel valuable.  Self worth comes from inside.  It is a matter of the heart.  It has nothing to do with marital status, pant size or pace.  If you have breath, you have value.  Period.

Thank you, Maya, for helping me start my journey.  I will cherish your words for the rest of my life.