Choosing The Life I Want To Live

The world is full of “should” and “can’t” when most of the time you “could” and “can”.  No matter what happens, there’s something to learn from and be grateful for.

I see a lot of injury and illness that could be prevented of people listened to their bodies and took care of themselves.  My wish for my training is not to hurt at all.  Do all the right things and nothing bad happens, right?  If I hurt, I did something wrong and it’s my own fault for trying, right?  Wrong.  Sometimes I have to go past my limit to know where my limit is.  An injury isn’t the end of the world, it’s something to learn from, take note of, and part of growth.

One of my major weaknesses is my poor ability to smile when I’m unhappy or make someone feel like I like them when I would be very pleased to see them disappear.  I don’t usually shy away from conflict mostly because pretending issues don’t exist is unbearable.  Not moving, not making progress, feels like I’m dying.  I either take action to fix what I see is broken or reframe it so I no longer see it something that can/should be “fixed”.  In other words, I have major control issues.

At this moment, I am unhappy to be sitting on the floor of the airport charging my laptop because my flight has been delayed over 3 hours.  I was flown hundreds of miles away from home to get home because the Des Moines airport is so small.  The delay is giving me a chance to write and I was able to see a beautiful sunset.  However, I would rather be landing and on my way to my husband’s arms right now.  These are the moments that challenge my idealistic “keep on the sunny side” way of life I try to live.  I am practicing experiencing multiple emotions at the same time.  I am equally irritated that I’m in this predicament and grateful for the opportunites it’s opened up to me.

I’m practicing believing that everything is where it’s supposed to be at this moment.  I don’t have to like it and there’s joy in giving myself permission to feel whatever I feel.  Whether I perceive it as pleasant it or not, what is IS and peace is found in accepting that.

My ultimate goal is a peaceful heart and a balanced life.  I’m making progress….

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Mexican Honeymoon 2012

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My husband and I have been married for 5 years but never went on a honeymoon.  At the time of our wedding, we had neither money nor time to plan a trip.  After years of discussing options, we booked a room at the Valentin Imperial Maya in Playa del Carmen around our anniversary this spring.  We left our house at 3:30am June 26, not knowing how long the new x-ray scanner at the airport would delay us.  It turns out security wasn’t any busier than “normal” that Tuesday so we sat in the airport for a couple of hours until our flight left.  We were tired and anxious for the many unknowns we were about to experience in our first international trip.

On the ride to the resort, flash flooding a couple days earlier necessitated a detour.  We saw parts of Playa del Carmen that we wouldn’t usually have been shown.  Just a few short blocks from the lap of luxury is absolute poverty.

The resort was breathtakingly beautiful!  Without our cell phones, computers, kid or pets, we had a lot of time just the two of us without other distractions.  No building was over two stories high and the beach was in view almost everywhere we went.  Iguanas were as plentiful as squirrels in the Midwest.  I was fascinated by them!  Most restaurants were open seating.  The food was fresh and delicious!

I spent a few hours one afternoon sitting on the beach at the edge of where the waves landed and returned to sea.  Life is a lot like the ocean…always moving, always coming and going.  When the white froth was at eye level in the distance, it felt a little scary but once it got closer, it was more manageable.  A few times the water came forcefully enough my body swayed with the movement but I didn’t get swept away.  Instead, I became more firmly planted in my spot.  The wave came, the wave crashed, and it was gone.  Sometimes it’s time to move away from harm but sometimes, if you just stay where you are at, problems with dissolve around you, just like that wave did around me.

As we ventured into surrounding towns on our way to and from guided tours, I saw a completely different way of being.  Bars covered all the windows where people lived.  Merchants in the tourist trap hot spots were aggressive and crowding.  Many bathrooms had no light fixtures inside.  Instead, they had openings to the outside, providing natural light and saving energy.  They asked you to put your toilet tissue in the waste basket instead of flushing it.  Many rode bikes or walked, stop signs were viewed as a suggestion to slow.  A few times, trucks full of men in black bullet proof vests and large guns drove by.  I was told they were the police and locals hoped the upcoming election would change things.

We learned that minimum wage is a mere 5 US dollars a DAY!  Not an hour, a day!  A gallon of gas costs almost as much as a day’s worth of work at minimum wage because they have no refinery.  They have petroleum but no way to turn it into fuel so the raw material is exported and then imported back into the country once refined.  The candidate our tour guide hoped would win the presidency planned to put in a refinery to change all that (we later learned that candidate didn’t win).  Subway, McDonald’s and Starbucks also cost the same as in America (yes, those chains are present and prominent).

We met some incredible people.  Locals and world travelers alike.  Learned names, shared stories and exchanged email addresses.  One particularly special couple even invited my husband and I to visit them in their home on the East Coast! (more on them later)

While away, I often thought of Pete’s speech in “Muppets Take Manhattan” saying “people is peoples…dancing, music, potatoes…”.  He’s right.

From my heart to yours,

Thanks for reading

Lessons from Children

My husband and I had the chance to perform for SouthSider Studio’s entry in the  711 Theater Project Friday night.  One of our props was a lighted green lantern thingy attached to a headband (my husband had a “red” one too).  I was a good sport and wore my thingy like I was directed even though I wasn’t exactly a fan of the prop.  After our performance, a boy (7 or 8 I’d guess) looked up at me and said “I wish I could have one of those”.  To which I replied, “Do you want mine?”.  His face lit up and he beamed with pride wearing the same prop I’d perceived as dorky.  I find out later his father had told him earlier he couldn’t have it because it was part of the play.  The boy didn’t command me to give him the object.  He didn’t expect he’d get it.  He made a wish and the wish came true.

The next day, I was at a pot luck.  While all the adults were sitting around talking and mindlessly eating, the kids were running around chasing each other.  They ate a little too but were mostly concerned with moving around the yard.  I asked to join in.  The children welcomed me and soon I was the “monster” they were fleeing from as quickly as they could.  It wasn’t long before they established a “base” where they were “safe”.  There was no board meeting to decide what the next action would be.  There was no vote cast as to what the rules should be.  I wasn’t excluded because I didn’t meet the height/weight/gender/race requirement.  Someone had an idea, the best one at the time, and all went with it.  We played some form of chasing game for an hour or more!  When I plopped into bed that night, I felt more tired than after running 20K for Dam to Dam the week before.  Yet, I had no worry about distance covered or calories burned, I was just having fun.

I was reminded of when Jesus said something like ‘I tell you the truth.  Unless you change and become like little children, you will never inherit the kingdom of heaven’.  (Matthew 18:3, I looked it up with a little help from Google)

Heaven to me is a place of utter peace.  No violence, no unrest, just presence.

Children don’t have enough experience to know what’s a “reasonable” request and what isn’t.  They haven’t been burned enough times to feel hopeless.  They just show up.  They wish… sometimes those wishes come true and sometimes they don’t but they don’t close themselves off to possibilites just because something didn’t work out.  Unless some adult who doesn’t know any better has crushed their spirit, they don’t have thoughts like “I don’t deserve that” to keep them from asking for what they want.  They just ask with open hearts.

So, next time you think a kid is asking for too much and being too “wound up”, try letting yourself go a little bit.  Yes, there are times they answer will be “no” and heartbreak is part of life but don’t let those realities crush your spirit.  Don’t lose hope.

Keep asking…keep working in the direction of your dreams, open to possibilites.  Your wishes can come true.

From my heart to yours,

Thanks for reading.