My Truth About Relationships

At a few times in my life, I felt like I only had one friend.  Looking back, it was not as much of a friendship as a desperate plea to be accepted.  I didn’t accept myself.  I looked to someone else for that and it made me an extremely possessive, jealous person who couldn’t maintain a friendship.  Thankfully, most of those people are now true friends I am extremely grateful to have in my life!

I am continually amazed at how easily connections come when I am grounded and at peace with myself.  When I look into someone’s eyes, I see a heart, a soul, a spiritual person having a human experience.  Sometimes they seem to glow with white light, those are the ones I connect with the most.

Last night, I was at a party with a lot of people I had not interacted with before.  The environment was one of unconditional acceptance (a lot of genuine theater people).  At first, I felt uncomfortable, not quite sure what to do with myself.  I didn’t want to gorge on the food a few feet away but I didn’t really know what to do either.  So, I asked my higher power what I should do.  I stood around until the answers started coming.  A conversation here, an interaction there, a photo, a game, a song, a dance… It all summed up into a GREAT night!

I think I may have made some new friends!

Relationships are not static.  They change over time.  People change. If people change at a rate or direction beyond what the relationship can adapt to, it ends.  Recognizing this fact liberates one from agonizing disappointment if a relationship does not last “forever”.  It makes me be able to cherish the individual moments of connection with other people, no matter how long I have known them.

I am married to a wonderfully sweet and supportive man.  Our relationship now is not the same as when we got together.  It’s deeper, more trusting, and we do not spend as much time together as we did early on.  Both of us need “alone” time in a quiet space to hear our own thoughts or we go insane.   Thankfully, almost 8 years into our partnership, our relationship has been able to adapt at the pace of our changes as individuals.

I was married once before and as I changed, my husband stayed the same.  The relationship could not withstand our differences.  I wanted it to work out, I tried to do my part, but when I realized I did not like him when he was being true to himself  (not trying to please me), it was time to go.  That was one of the most painful and best decisions I have made to date.

My son is now a teenager.  Our relationship has changed over time too.  I used to be his primary caregiver and now I am more of a cheerleader and guide.  He can pretty much take care of himself and I am proud of the man I see him becoming.

I worry about whether or not he will be able to make friends but then I realize I’m trying to define what friends are to me for him.  He interacts with people he has never met easily.  I’m embarrassed at times but his “autistic quirks” but he does not seem to be.  I am continually touched by how kind people are to him and how they honor his tender heart, deeper than his differences.

One of my favorite times of the year is coming.  Winter…. A time to go inward, reflect on the year behind and look forward to the year ahead.  In this blog, I will continue to share what’s in my mind and on my heart.


From my heart to yours,

Thanks for reading


Agree to Disagree

I’ve heard the phrase “agree to disagree” for as long as I can remember.  Until fairly recently, I viewed that phrase as one used by the “loser” of any argument to console himself/herself for having inferior debating skills.  That was the white flag of an argument when the weaker one was unable to win and wanted out of the conversation.

I see it differently now…

Each person is unique in that each of us has our own experiences, feelings and opinions that shape how we perceive the world around us.  At the same time, all of our blood turns red when it hits air and is blue when without oxygen.  We are concurrently the same and nothing like all our fellow humans.

It is impossible for more than one person to see the world exactly the same all of the time unless someone is not being honest with himself/herself.  Disagreements are not the end of a relationship or the sign of a weak one.  They are just different interpretations of the same subject.

My husband and I struggle to “fight” because each of us does not want to upset the other.  It’s nice for a while but, eventually, we’re not being honest.  Without honesty, trust and true love wither to death.  We are practicing this concept of “agree to disagree” by not seeing  one way as “right” and the other as “wrong”.  With this understanding, we’re able to connect and accept each other more fully without sacrificing our self worth or suppressing our feelings.

Instead of one way being “right” and the other “wrong”, we talk about what we each need.  We ask for what we want the other person to do or not do.  The other person has the right to agree or disagree to terms.  “I felt xyz” does not mean he did something wrong.  Just because “concept a” is inaccurate, doesn’t mean that “concept b” is true.  I accept he sees things differently without telling myself there’s something wrong with either of us.

We each have “deal breakers”, it’s not like anything goes.  We didn’t get married until we determined our “deal breakers” were compatible.

It’s wonderful!  Not easy, but wonderful…

From my heart to yours,

Thanks for reading